We were talking about certain insecurities that we seem to share, and wondering why we respond to situations the way we do. For instance, when people are inconsiderate to you it’s bothersome for a little while only. You don’t respond; you do let it go, forgive, go on.
If someone treats you in a way that is really hurtful to you, do you stop right there and stand up for yourself? Or do you just stand silent and take it; to be tormented at home by the memory of that person’s action? We stand quiet. We take it home. We spend a lot of time trying to rationalize that behavior, blame it on ourselves, and deny the obvious motivation of the person and behavior…
When people push you around, it’s because
- they are jealous of your abilities
- they need to think they are better than you
- they have something to gain and you stand in their way
- they simply are manipulative, controlling bullies who feel better about themselves when they push others around
- YOU LET THEM
We both realize that this personality type pushes us around because they think they can get away with it. So we agree that standing up for oneself is really a necessary thing, but…
But… at the time of the altercation
- our conscience tells us that it is better to be kind and let it slide
- we get tongue-tied and are afraid
- we don’t want to repay unkindness with anger-or hurt-filled responses
- we like being in control of our own emotions
- maybe they’re right. we should consider the situation from all sides before deciding what to do.
So we were thinking. Have we ever even TRIED standing up for ourselves? The answer was decidedly, yes. When we tried to defend ourselves against a person’s hurtful comment or action, we see something in the person’s face or body language. Hurt, anger, something. But we actually see frame-by-frame images of their reaction. The immediate reaction from them (or others) was that now, somehow, we have become the bad guy. Everyone sees us as having a bad attitude. Standing up for yourself means that people will look at you as the ‘person at fault for ruining the friendship’, not the person who is just standing up for herself.
As we both have a photographer’s eye, I wondered if other photographers see life in this frame-by-frame way, too. The way that catches all the minute details that tell a hundred stories to us in our heads. I have always seen the world as a composition of images and sounds. It may be landscape, portrait, 3 frames per second, but individual moments, captured. Those images remain in my head seemingly forever. Some images are wonderful and beautiful; others are going to require a lot of time in Photoshop.
How do you see? Do you have images in your brain that you recall at will? Do you sometimes play the doormat because you “see” someone’s reaction to you and immediately withdraw in order to not have conflict? In complex situations or relationships, how do you salvage yourself while not harming another?